I'll Never Be What You Want Me to Be

I. Am. Not. My. Mother.

I don't care if I look like her, talk like her, act like her, whatever.

I AM NOT MY MOTHER.

I am so sick of people comparing me to her all the time! My friends do it, my mother's friends do it, my family does it! Even I do it, when I'm away! I hate it! I hate how I feel I have to resort to it! I hate how I feel that it's me! It's not! But everywhere I turn, everything I say is compared to her.

Do you even see me?

Do you even freaking see who I am?

Or do you see some brainless Mother Clone?

No wonder I don't know who I am. I can't get away from my mother.

--Soren, out.

What Would You Think of Me Now?

It's been a year. A long year.

Every time I hear "Hear You Me" by JimmyEatWorld, I think of you, Bryce. You may never know how much you made an impact on my life. I said opening prayer today in church, and almost prayed for good mojo, just for you. But I figured that it was your thing, and I couldn't take it from you.

Whenever I get music, I make sure to get the whole album, because you told me never to be the kind of girl that only got singles from a band. I haven't forgotten it.

Remember our emo bracelets? Yup, still got mine. I still remember the day we made a emo bracelet team with them. Well, sorta. We had a moment. That's all that matters.

I remember the day you died. I was at a dance. I cried all night. I couldn't bear a world without your light. I still can't believe you're gone.

It doesn't help that I had the HUGEST crush on you, eh? I bet you knew, but in case you didn't...well, now ya know. I thought you were the funniest, cutest guy, and you were so easy to talk to. You were so full of life...there's no way that something as simple as water could take that away. It's impossible. You should still be here.

It's been a year, and I still haven't gotten over my grief.

I miss you.

All the Small Things

Sometimes I cry for the stupidest reasons.

Like tonight. Watching movies that I really didn't need to cry in. I always cry when someone is lost (dead, or in the process of dying) in movies. I sobbed for a solid half hour in Titanic, not just when Jack froze to death. I cried when a daughter had had her heart broken (by Death, ironically) and then realized that her daddy was going to die soon. And then I cried when Death (who loved her back) gave her up because he loved her so much. I cried when a sister watched her sister fall to her death, and blame herself throughout the movie. I cried when her mother blamed herself for the sister's death. I cried when the Indians were massacred by the settlers.

I cry a lot in movies.

I always feel like a wuss, because other people are like "whatever, it's just a movie", and I'm all "but what if this was YOU? What if YOU realized that this was the last time you would see your father alive, and that this was the last slow dance you were ever going to have with him? What if YOU saw your innocent people hunted down, and killed mercilessly just because they had a different culture, or skin color? How would YOU feel trying to calm your children, because you knew that there wouldn't be room on the boats after the rich people got on to save them from drowning?"

And then I get this ache, like I want more than anything to reach into the movie and ease their pain, or save them somehow. To me, the characters in these movies are real, and I would give anything to spare them the pain they feel.

--Soren, out

Hedwig's Theme

Not only was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 one of the most amazing movies ever! But Alice Marvels has a magnificent Harry Potter Giveaway! You could win HP Pt. 1, a customized house mug, and a customized house keychain! I think I'd get Gryffindor, just for the sake of it. Or maybe Ravenclaw...naw, Gryffindor. I love it too much.

Go! Win! Now! No! Wait! Don't win! I want to win! Bust still! Go!

--Soren, out.

Look at This Place, Isn't it Neat?

We're in Kentucky! And we're renting a house in the country, which I have to say (minus that annoying, battery-draining lack of cell phone service) is completely amazing! It's beautiful here! There are some horses that graze in the field that is right next to our yard, and sometimes they stick their heads over. I've pet one of them..once.

Now all that's missing is a trip to the library, which I am eagerly awaiting. Without a neighborhood or friends close by (and..uh...no license...) There's not much to do. Please, o ye watchers who live near me, visit me! Come kidnap me and expose me to the Fayette Mall! So I can go to the Disney store and get new mugs for college!

With love a few stray peppermints...

--Soren, out

Next to Normal

We're hoping to move on Saturday. Most people, when they move across the country, are kinda freaked out. Me? Eh, it's normal. This is my fourth time doing it, and it's nothing new. We hardly know anything about where we're moving specifically, or what's going to happen, but if winging it were a degree, I'd have my Master's by now.

Also on SorNews, I've created a new blog. My Letters To You is where I'll write letters to my friends. The good, the bad, the ugly, the gorgeous, whatever I'd write in a real letter will be there. Check it out from time to time, see if you pop up.

--Soren, out

Jai Ho

Do you believe in destiny?

I'm extremely frustrated right no...this whole money thing for college is freaking me out.

I was looking on Facebook saw someone two years older than me talk about something he and his wife did. His wife. I can't even imagine saying anything like that, to have a husband and to do things with him. I'm too freaking young right now to be married. I'm too young to worry about anything like marriage. Anyone my age is too young to be worrying about marriage. I mean, for goodness sakes, you don't even know yourself yet! I've been living on my own for two semesters and I still don't know myself very well yet!

I might believe in destiny, but I don't believe in love. Not right now, not for me.

--Soren, out