Scream Like a Banshee

I've been having the dreams again. The scary ones where I know I'm going to die. This time I was with my family, and my Grandpa (the one still living) and his...girlfriend, partner, whatever (I don't like her much) are sitting with us, and for some reason get into an argument with my parents, and they say a Chinese phrase (I've forgotten it) which meant something like "Inevitable Death", meaning one of us children had to die.

Rather then let them take my brother, I gave myself up to die. So a noose appeared in the dream living room where everyone was sitting. During the dream, I was running around, sometimes feeling the noose around my neck, trying to find a way out of this death. Nothing worked. There were no solutions, no answers. I had to die.

There's always terror in these dreams, and I feel the terror days after I have the dreams. Right now, I'm so scared. The dreams are so real. I try to look up the meanings of them, but they don't fit. Nothing in my life relates to these dreams at all. None of my stresses, none of my worries. Normally I don't worry if I'm going to be sentenced to death by family, or shot in the head, or in the back, or slashed, or any of the other deaths that I've dreamed. Maybe I need to see a shrink or something. I don't know what to do. If I try telling my parents about them, I feel stupid, because it comes out sounding trivial. And they're so busy with other stuff, they don't want to hear about some stupid little dream. But these dreams make me want to cry.

I have looked death in the face, and I am a coward.

--Soren, out.