I don't want to sleep anymore. I wish that I could relive that time in college where I was too tired to dream. My dreams have been scaring me.
I had lots of dreams like this before. Come to think of it, I've always had stages in my life that have dreams like this. Each time they scare me, and the fear has been escalating.
Why am I afraid of my dreams?
They are fear incarnate. There are no bogeymen, there are no jumping ghosts. There is death, and pain, and fear, and hopelessness.
I dreamed that a girl had to stab herself, and I helped her do it. I dreamed that I was kidnapped, and held ransom, and then they lined us up and shot each of us in the head. I have died a thousand deaths in my dreams, and the fear and the pain - pain that I can feel even after I wake up - are getting too much to bear.
There is no escape into dreams anymore. It's a prison that my mind builds for me.
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